


Roses in December

by inbarati



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-04-15
Updated: 2010-04-15
Packaged: 2017-10-08 23:25:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/80578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inbarati/pseuds/inbarati
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December."<br/>- J. M. Barrie</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Abrial brought her children before the mirror in the basement. She could hear the whine of wraith darts even through the thick boards of the kitchen floor. Her mother had told her, before the last culling, that this mirror could bring them somewhere safe from the Wraith. She touched the carvings on the top. They looked like the ones on the circle the wraith came through. "Safe," she whispered. "Please bring us somewhere safe." She hugged her children to her as she heard the door upstairs get kicked down. "Safe. Please, we need to be -"  
***

"Harris, where are we going?" Spike was carrying several grocery bags, and they'd gone the wrong way to be headed toward the basement.

Xander just grinned. "Oh, you'll see." He was practically skipping down the sidewalk.

The neighborhood started to get a little sketchy, and Spike started to get nervous. "Your sense of humor needs work, monkeyboy. Plenty of vamps round here'll rip my head off to get to something as moist and delicious as you." Xander smiled and opened the gate to a duplex Spike hadn't seen before. It was shingled, but not painted, the shingles weathered to a nice brown color. There was a large veve painted on the side. "Uh, pet? I'm not so sure we should be here."

Xander just grinned again. "Well, we live here now, so if Mademoiselle Noemi wants her rent, she'll have to let us in." Spike stood on the porch running that last sentence through his mind several times, as Xander put his hand on a veve on the front door. It opened to reveal a woman dressed in white, with tight cornrows across her head. "Good evening Mademoiselle LaVeau," Xander smiled at the woman.

"Alexander, you must call me Noemi, or I shall start calling you Mr. Harris." She frowned ferociously, but even Spike could see that the smile remained in her eyes.

"Understood!" Xander replied, but Noemi didn't move except to put her hands on her hips, until he corrected himself. "Understood, Noemi." She smiled and stepped aside opening the door.

Spike stood at the door as Xander went in, until Noemi noticed him. "You must be Spike," She pointed to the veve he was standing on. "You do not need an invitation, the veve is one to those who mean no harm."

Spike smiled back, warily stepping across the threshold. The house smelled of cock's blood and incense. Xander was practically dancing at the foot of the stairs. Noemi giggled. "Take your vampire upstairs and show him, then. We can do pleasantries tomorrow."

Spike didn't even have time to try and figure that statement out, before he was being pulled upstairs by the lapel of his jacket. "See you tomorrow, Noemi!" Xander called over his shoulder.

They went up two flights of stairs, to the attic, and Xander unlocked the door. "And we're home!" He announced proudly, throwing open the door.

They both stopped short. There was a mirror on the other side of the room. That really wasn't weird, it was something Giles had been trying to sell in the magic box for a while, and had gifted Xander with when he mentioned moving out of the basement. The weird part, was that they were both reflected in it. "Bugger me." Spike said softly. "What is that?"

"Giles gave it to me." They both crossed the room to look closer. "I'm sure it's perfectly –"  
***  
"- safe." They were standing in front of the same mirror, but they weren't in the apartment anymore. There was a whine, and an explosion above them, and they both ducked. The thumping of boots upstairs became louder and suddenly the door was kicked in. Xander lunged for the creature who had kicked the door in, but it blasted him with something and he fell to the ground unconscious.

Spike knocked the creature over before it could fully transfer its attention to him. He fell on top of it, twisting its head around until he heard its neck break, but it didn't stop struggling until he tore its head entirely off. He picked up the weapon it had been using, and fiddled around until he figured out how to shoot it, then went to stand by Xander. "What the sodding hell is it with you, demons, and basements, pet?" He sat by Xander's unconscious form, watching the growing light come through cracks in the floor. He stayed that way for a long time, until the explosions stopped. Eventually, hearing nothing else threatening, he slept.  
***

"Looks like we're too late to warn them." John said, surveying the wreckage of the largest settlement on the planet they had started trading with a few weeks back. When they had noticed a pattern to the wraith attacks, John's team immediately went to warn them, but the Wraith had apparently been faster.

"There's a few life signs among the wreckage," Rodney replied, looking at his scanner. "No sign of any wraith in the vicinity."

"Let's get down there and help whoever's left, then." John thought landing-type thoughts at the 'jumper. "Teyla and Ronon, take this end, Rodney and I will go to the other side of town. Radio contact every fifteen minutes." Teyla nodded and Ronon grunted, turning to the first house, as John and Rodney ran the quarter-mile to the other end of the settlement. "Not a very big place," John mused.

"Someone in this house," Rodney pointed. "Looks like they're unconscious."

"Surprised they left someone alive," John replied, looking at the broken door, and bodies lying on the floor.

"Huh. I think there's a basement. Maybe they hid." Rodney pointed the scanner to a curtain at the back of the room.

John pushed the curtain aside to reveal a closet with an open trapdoor in the bottom. John leaned over and peered into the darkness. "Looks like there's a dead Wraith down there," he said to Rodney. "Hello! Anyone friendly down there?" He called down into the basement. There was no response.

"He's _unconscious_," Rodney emphasized.

"Doesn't hurt to be careful," John murmured before dropping down into the basement.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a flash and John fell. Rodney hoped he was unconscious. "We're the good guys you absolute moron!" He yelled at the person he had yet to see.

"Bollocks. Sorry, mate. Think he's okay though." A man dressed all in black, with platinum blonde hair peered up at him. "I fell asleep, and didn't hear you coming."

"You're… not from here, are you?" Rodney hadn't seen anyone dressed like this since the eighties, and certainly not since he's been living in the Pegasus Galaxy.

"No. There was a mirror in my mate's house, looked like one down here. Thinking that might have something to do with it."

"Yes, well, leave the hypotheses to the genius, okay?" Rodney hopped down into the dim basement, just as Teyla radioed him.

"Dr. McKay, we are loading people onto the 'jumper. Are you and John nearly done?"

"John's unconscious, actually," Rodney snapped. "I'm going to need help getting him back to the ship."

"Ronon will come as soon as we've gotten everyone in. Is John well?"

"I'm sure he'll be fine. He was stunned by an overreacting inhabitant." Rodney glared at the blonde man, who shrugged.

"Ronon will be there shortly." Teyla said goodbye, and disconnected.

"Let's see if we can get the mirror up before the caveman gets here." Rodney walked over to the mirror. "If I go up and pull, and you lift it from down here, we should be fine."

"We're taking the mirror?"

"How, exactly, do you propose that I study it, if we don't?" Rodney was more than irritated at this point.

"Point taken." Xander moaned and rolled to one side. Spike was at his side in a second. "Xan, you okay?" Xander wasn't yet conscious enough to answer, though, so Spike stood and looked over at Rodney, who was holding a small electronic device, and looking puzzled.

"There's only one life sign here. And he's unconscious, which means that you are…"

"Dead. You _are_ a genius," Spike grinned at the scientist.

"You can't be… that. You're walking around and talking, and… and bleaching your hair." Rodney kept looking from Spike to the scanner.

"I'm a vampire. We do that."  
***  
John awoke to a great deal of grunting and swearing, as two men were apparently looting the basement he was in. He didn't know who they were, so he didn't move. He didn't know his name, and his body ached like he'd been beaten. The men eventually climbed out of the basement, still swearing at each other, and John opened his eyes to check his surroundings. There was a stirring beside him, and when he looked, a boy with deep brown eyes was peering back at him. He pressed a finger to his lips and the boy nodded. "Two men are looting the house, and I can't remember anything. I'm guessing they're the bad guys. You?" He said, whispering almost sub-vocally.

The boy shook his head. "I don't remember anything either."

"We should get out of here while they're busy, then." John said, getting on his feet.

The boy followed suit, standing and nodding toward a basement window. He gave John a leg up, and slid up after him, wiggling a little to get his wider frame through. They disappeared into the woods as quickly as they could.  
***  
"I thought you said Sheppard was down here," Ronon yelled up to where Rodney was peering down at him.

"He is," Rodney said, carefully hopping down, only to land on something with a crunch. "Damn _it_," he swore, lifting his foot. It was John's radio. Rodney glanced around the basement. John and the unconscious boy were both gone. "He's not here. _They're_ not here."

"I said that," Ronon replied. "They who?"

"Shit," Rodney said. "The Pegasus Galaxy hates me. I have to go tell a vampire I lost his boy."

"Vampire?" Ronon asked, "I thought you said they weren't real, just a story."

"I get one chance to be wrong each mission, damn it."

"Is that a rule? You've been wrong twice so far," Ronon replied.

"Shut _up_."  
***

"Rodney, you must go back to Atlantis with these people. You're the only one who can fly the puddlejumper," Teyla explained for the third time.

"Elizabeth will crucify me if I come back without John!" Rodney was pacing, he hands gesturing wildly as he came up with increasingly bizarre plans to rescue John from what he was sure were slavering Wraith.

"McKay!" Ronon raised his voice. "You haven't been in the labs for what, sixteen hours? What do you suppose they've blown up while you've been gone?"

"Oh. Oh! Simpson probably set off that bomb Radek and I had to disarm last week, again! Oh god…" Rodney slumped to the ground, head in his hands.

Teyla gave Ronon a sharp look and went to help the overwrought scientist up. "I'm sure the labs are fine, Rodney. We'll get Lorne's team and come back. Ronon can stay here and look for John with Spike. John will be fine."

"I'm supposed to save his life, not let him get stolen while he's unconscious. It's my turn, anyway." Rodney got up and dusted himself off.

"Well, saving is kind of a big job, yeah? Where I come from, we help each other out with that kind of thing." Spike shrugged.

"Yes. We'll come back with help." Teyla pulled Rodney toward the 'jumper, favoring Spike with a small smile, as Rodney started walking in that direction of his own accord. They door of the jumper closed, the stargate opened, and they went through.

"That's pretty impressive," Spike nodded at the gate. "Maybe not as impressive as a Tzerlok demon in full body armor, though."

Ronon just gave him a look and stalked off into the trees. Spike went back to start at the basement, where he had last seen Xander.


	3. Chapter 3

Spike was agitated when he found Ronon a few hours later. "Anything?"

Ronon shook his head. "No. Sheppard apparently doesn't want to be found."

"What do you mean? I thought you said those Wraith guys took them." Spike started to pace.

"Haven't seen or heard any Wraith in the area, but there are several sets of tracks that go nowhere, which makes me think the real ones have been covered." Ronon kicked a pile of leaves.

"So what is that smell? It's all over the forest, can hardly breathe." Spike hadn't been able to track Xander by scent because of a heavy, sweet odor in the air. It was less noticeable in the town, but it the woods it was overwhelming.

"Trees," Ronon replied. "The bark is used to make a spice that sweetens things. That's what we were here to trade for." He tapped his ear. "Be right there." He loped off toward the settlement, leaving Spike to follow in his wake.

They arrived to find a 'jumper full of soldiers, heavily armed. A shorter, less soldierly man pulled Spike aside, away from the crowd who was laying out plans to search. "My name is Carson, I'm a doctor. Teyla told me you might have special dietary requirements?"

"Yeah," Spike replied. "I'm a vampire. I don't hunt humans, though." He mentally added the 'anymore' and hoped they wouldn't want to ask too many questions.

"You do drink human blood, though, yes?"

Carson's thick brogue made Spike smile. "When I can get it. 'S better for me than animal blood."

Carson, amazingly, smiled back, and handed him a cooler. "It'd probably be better warm, but I wasn't sure how much you'd need right away. It's a little out of code, but it was kept frozen, so I think it should be okay, still."

"Thank you," Spike replied simply, a bit nonplussed by the generosity of these people. He let his face change and downed a few packets before changing back, testing the doctor's tolerance for weird.

"That was… amazing." Carson breathed. "I've never seen anything like it. Can you do it whenever you want."

"Yeah." These Wraith must be something else, because Spike hadn't met a human yet who wasn't disturbed by his demon's face.

"I'd like for you and your friend to come back to Atlantis with us, if you would. When we find him and John. I'd like to talk to you about how this works." He gestured to Spike's face.

Spike stilled, glancing around for the quickest way out. "Medical experiments are something you do to people you're friendly with, where I come from."

Carson laughed. "No lad, not experiments, just talking. I've read all the stories, but this may be my only chance to talk to an actual vampire in the flesh."

Spike relaxed, and snorted. "Don't believe everything you read. Dracula was a poncy bugger and welshed on bets."

Carson laughed again. "There's a story there I've got to hear."  
***

John pulled Xander behind some bushes and into a cave as night fell. "Good cover here. I think we can get some rest."

"Yeah, I'm pretty beat," Xander replied. "Wish it was warmer, though."

"Me too," John said. "Don't take this the wrong way, but we could curl up under my jacket, if you wanted?"

Xander blushed, but told himself to stop being a nancy boy. Why that voice in his head had an accent, he didn't know. "All right. We'll be warmer, closer together, anyway."

John nodded. They lay rather stiffly together for a long time before sleep took them. They relaxed in sleep. John's head found Xander chest, and Xander arm slung over John's broad back. It would be hours before they woke.  
***

Ronon, Teyla and Lorne were organizing the search when Carson and Spike came back to the group. Carson cleared his throat, and they all looked at him, "There's something all of you need to know before you go looking. It's likely that John and Alexander don't remember who they are. We've noticed that in about sixty percent of the victims of the attack that were hit by stunners, there seems to be significant memory loss. Rodney is looking at the stunner to see if it's been modified." Carson looked down at the ground and cleared his throat again. "John may not react the way you think he will. Be extra careful."

The marines all nodded. Lorne split them into groups, and turned to Spike. "We're heading out. You can hang with one of the groups if you want. Teyla says you're a good guy."

Spike grinned and opted to go with Teyla's group. Her good opinion seemed to be very important, and since she seemed to have formed one of him, it might be good to reinforce it by helping her find her friend. She grinned at him and nodded toward their quadrant. Spike grinned back and followed her into the trees.  
***

Rodney was at a table surrounded by small pieces of the stunner he had brought back from the planet everyone was privately calling 'Arrakis' behind his back. Not that he didn't know what they were saying, or that he didn't know they thought it would be inappropriate to make jokes about the planet he lost Sheppard on to his face. Not that any of that made him less irritable. "Radek, put the whispering college freshmen behind me on sanitation duty until they learn that I'm busy, not deaf!" He yelled. The whispering was starting to affect his concentration. He dropped the Ancient version of a multimeter he'd been using to monitor the flow of power through the various crystals in the stunner.

Zelenka came to him with a powerbar and a cup of coffee. "Eat, Rodney." He pushed Rodney down onto a chair, handed him the food and coffee, and walked away. Rodney decided that come Radek's birthday, he'd share some of his precious chocolate hoard. The man had given him coffee, after all.  
***

Xander woke with a start. John put a finger over his lips, and they listened. There were footsteps, four, maybe five people talking quietly as they move through the forest. John got up, pulling Xander up after him, and they move further back into the shadows of the small cave they were in. No one came in after them, and after a while, the footsteps moved away, and both John and Xander sighed in relief. "Think they're looking for us?" Xander whispered?

John nodded, sitting back down and emptying his pockets. Xander followed suit. Between them, they had: three quarters of a chocolate bar, three powerbars, six elastic bands, four daggers, a ball of string, a stake, two safety pins, a wallet, a P90 with four clips of ammunition, a copy of "A Witches Guide to Herbal Remedies," a pocket sized brown teddy bear, a dog-eared paperback copy of "Physics for Dummies,' and half a bag of beef jerky.

"Pretty good for two guys who don't know who they are." John grinned.

Xander opened the wallet, which had come from his pocket. "According to this, I'm Alexander mumble Harris." He flashed an ID at John.

"Alexander what, now?" John grinned, snatching the ID card. Xander tackled him, and they went down, John holding the card out of reach, and Xander using his larger frame to pin John down and try and grab the arm holding the ID. Suddenly, John flipped them and grabbed Xander's arms. Reading from the card, he chuckled. "Alexander _LaVelle_ Harris. That quite the name you've got there."

"Shut up." Xander tried to flip them again, but John managed to keep him down. "I'm sure there are embarrassing things about you, too," he huffed.

"Sure there are," John replied reasonably. "But I don't think I'm in any danger of you finding out, since I can't remember what they are."

Xander chuckled at that. "Oh, I don't know about that." He stretched his arms, forcing John to lean forward. When their faces were millimeters apart, he asked quietly, "You always get hard when you wrestle amnesiacs in a cave?" He didn't smile, but there was a twinkle in his eye he couldn't suppress.

"I dunno." John shifted his hips a little. "Do you?"

Xander shrugged, pulling John even closer. Their lips met. The both held their breath for several seconds then John pulled back. "I don't know either," Xander replied, a bit belatedly.

"Wanna find out?" John asked, letting go of Xander's wrists.

Xander grabbed John's biceps and pulled him back down. "Yeah." Xander kissed him again, purposefully this time. Just lips at first, a soft, warm slide that made John breathe in sharply. Then Xander's tongue teased his lips apart, teasing his own out to touch and taste. They both moaned, and the kiss got a little deeper. Xander's hands went down to John's waist, tugging his shirt out of his pants, and running big, warm hands up the chilled skin of John's back, making him shiver. John pulled back, and put his head down, noting how the curve of Xander's neck fit just under his forehead. "Wow." Xander said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah." John replied. "Wow."  
***


	4. Chapter 4

John's lips brushed the side of Xander's neck, and he tilted his head back, gulping in a breath when John sucked on his adam's apple. Xander's fingers traced the lines of John's ribs, sliding up his chest to rub calloused thumbs over his nipples. "What's this?" He asked, tugging on a chain that was hanging from John's neck.

"Huh." John looked at the tags hanging around his neck. "Apparently I'm John F. Sheppard. Lieutenant Colonel John F. Sheppard, even."

"Colonel? Well, I've never been seduced by a colonel before." Xander grinned, pulling John toward him by the chain. "That I remember, anyway."

"Seduced? I did no seducing." John grinned back, kissing the tip of Xander's nose.

"Mmmmm…" was all Xander could reply, as John took his mouth, slow and wet. Xander retaliated by undoing the top button of John's BDUs, and tracing one finger across his belly.

John groaned, fisting his fingers in Xander's hair. He kissed his way along Xander's jaw to his ear, then down his neck to his shoulder. "You have a scar," he murmured, kissing it.

"If you want coherent speech you'll have to stop kissing my neck," Xander panted a few moments later.

"Mmmmm," John hummed happily. "A hot spot." He grinned.  
***

"Dr. McKay, any news on the stunner and my patients' memory loss?" Carson stopped by the labs on his way to the mess.

"Yes, actually. It looks like it works on the same principle as the rays they use to transfer people from the ground to a dart, only it stores their memories in this crystal here." Rodney pointed to some stunner guts with his stylus. "I think I can reverse it using the same process we used when Cadman and I… were uh…"

"Excellent! Can we give people their memories back?"

"Well we could if we had them, but we don't. There are only two signals coming from this crystal, and I'm pretty sure they belong to John and Spike's friend." Rodney frowned at the crystals on the table. "I need to find a way to identify which is which."

"Spike? I didn't know you were friendly with him." Carson grinned at the physicist.

"Well, I… I'm not really… I…"

"Rodney, it's okay. He's a good man. But you wouldn't have used his name if you didn't like him. Dr. Higashima has been here for over a year, and you have yet to call him anything like his name."

"Ah. Well, yes. He's helping us find John."

"I'll let you get back to work then."  
"Yes, yes, I'm very busy." Rodney turned his attention back to the stunner. He hadn't been able to concentrate very well, but there was no reason for Carson to know that.   
***

Teyla stopped short. She could have sworn she heard John laugh. She motioned to the marines to be still, and when everything quieted down there was more laughter, only this time it didn't sound like John. She moved closer to the bushes, and she could see there was a cave behind them. She pushed the bushes aside, and stepped into the cave. It was dark, and she waited a moment for her eyes to adjust, before speaking. "John?" There was scrambling from further back in the cave, and she stepped forward. "Xander? John? I am Teyla. You might not remember me, but we are friends. I'd like to help you. I'd like to take you home."

"Home?" John spoke from the shadows. "Usually people looking for friends don't come armed."

Teyla knew the P90 was pointed at her. "I'm putting my gun down. I'm armed because there were enemies of our in the area, before." She carefully placed it on the floor and stepped away from it. "I know you don't have any reason to trust me, but I'm asking that you give me a chance. We want to help you."

"Does that mean you know what happened?" Xander asked.

"Not… exactly. Dr. McKay, a friend of John's is working on it."

John picked up Teyla's gun. "How many men do you have out there?"

"There are four with me, and two other groups. Fourteen all together. Dr. Beckett is with the 'jumper." Teyla held out her hands. "I mean you no harm, John."

"Keep your hands where I can see them, and lead the way." John replied, handing Xander Teyla's gun. He seemed comfortable with it, so John nodded and they moved out.  
***

The marines pointed their guns at John and Xander when they came out of the cave with Teyla at gunpoint. Spike rushed over and started to take the gun out of Xander's hand. "Xander, I was worried," he started, only to be cut off by John stepping between them, gun pointed at Spike's head. "The hell-"

Teyla grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "John and Xander have no reason to believe us, Spike. We must give them time; earn their trust."

"We saw you looting the house we woke up in," Xander accused. Spike was horrified by the look in his eyes. He was angry, that wasn't new, Xander was angry with Spike twelve times a day. But there was fear there, too. Xander had never really been afraid of Spike before, not like this, not even when Angel had been offering Spike his neck. Fear laced with determination. Determination to protect John, with whom he was now speaking quietly, never taking his distrustful eyes from Spike.

"Haven't looted anyone," Spike replied, turning away from brown eyes that are ripping his heart out with every blink. He wished for a cigarette, just for something to distract himself with, but he had quit months ago. Xander had gotten bronchitis, been sick for two weeks. The doctor had said the smoke was bad for him, and suddenly they just didn't taste right anymore.

John turned to Teyla. "You said you could help us. Do it."

"This way," Teyla nodded toward where they had left the jumper.  
***

The lights in Atlantis had dimmed in John's absence, relatively short though it had been. Rodney knew they had found John because the lab was suddenly brighter. He was already on his way to the 'jumper bays before Elizabeth radioed him. "On my way," he cut her off mid-sentence. When he got there, John was talking to the boy from the basement. Rodney had never seen the boy conscious before. He was every bit as beautiful as Spike had said he was. And John was smiling at him. John brushed knuckles across his face. Rodney stopped short. The smile on John's face was _Rodney's_ smile. The one John only used for him. The one that had made Rodney…

"John, Xander, this is Dr. McKay. He is working on getting your memories back," Teyla introduced him as if he were a stranger, and it hit him with a sick twist to his stomach, he was. This was not his John. This John only saw the brown-eyed boy.

"Any luck on that?" John asked, raising his eyebrow at Rodney.

"Not quite yet, but I'm making progress. It helps that we have you here now." Rodney's chest was tight. "I need to get back to the labs. I'll keep you informed of my progress." Lorne looked surprised at the chill in Rodney's voice, but Teyla gave him a sympathetic look.  
***

Spike was in the mess when Rodney got there. He was making a sculpture in whatever mashed vegetable they had gotten from Lorne's expedition to P3X-774 last week. It was a vivid green. He watched for a moment as Spike swirled his fork through it, effectively erasing the sculpture. "Hey," he sad, sitting down.

"Hey." Great. Monosyllabic conversation. They'd be reduced to grunting like cavemen soon.

"I've managed to wheedle some of Radek's vodka, in exchange for chocolate, and I've commandeered John's copy of the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Not like he'll appreciate it right now anyway. Thought it might be a good idea to get good and morose and thrashed, and watch Johnny Depp be gay."

"Sure." Spike stabbed the green stuff ferociously.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not much to say. Maybe if there's enough vodka."

"I can get three or four bottles. I figured it'd be harder to get you drunk than the average human. Radek practically owns the black market on Atlantis." Rodney pointed at the blue jello on Spike's tray. "Are you going to eat that?"

It was the last that finally made Spike crack a smile. Rodney was more like Xander than anyone else Spike knew. "Nah. All yours."  
***


	5. Chapter 5

"Elizabeth, we need a security detail in the labs. Rodney is drunk, and randomly turning on devices to entertain his equally drunk blond friend." There was a rapid fire series of what sounded like Czech commands, followed by what was definitely swearing.

"They are on their way, Radek." Elizabeth put her head in her hands. Rodney was not dealing with John's loss of memory well. She had to stop this before Rodney blew up something important. "Major Lorne, when you've got them, put them both in the brig until they're sober."

"Yes, ma'am."

***

"So which of them do you suppose is on the bottom?" Spike drunkenly jerked his head in the direction of the two guards who were watching them. "The one on the left walks like he needs a good buggering, but the other one has the hair."

"Johnson is the bottom, but not for Delveccio. His boyfriend wouldn't stand for it. Right , Johnson?" Rodney cackled as Johnson shifted uncomfortably. "And Delveccio's girlfriend probably spanks him if he tries anything like being on top."

Delveccio actually went as far as to flip them off, causing them to fall over laughing. "Let me guess," Spike replied, "she's the one from botany who names all the plants?"

Rodney hadn't laughed this hard, well, ever. "Oh my god, how did you know?" He gasped out between peals of laughter.

"He smells like that almost cucumber thing she showed me when you were giving me the tour." Spike cackled as Delveccio left the room.

"Johnson, you better go after him, he might start trading your boyfriend a paddle for some of that lube that came in on the last transport." Johnson left quickly.

Spike lay back and put his hands behind his head. "You're almost as evil as I am."

"You're not evil. This is fun. I haven't had this much fun since… Even John isn't usually this fun." Rodney was propped up on one arm, looking at Spike.

"Love him, do you?" a sympathetic looked flashed across Spike's face.

"No! Well, yes, but he's military, and we can't…" Rodney sighed, and flopped over onto his back. "I couldn't let him jeopardize his career like that. I like it here, but I can be a physicist anywhere. John's military career is it for him. It's like he was born to be here."

"So you haven't said anything?"

"Kind of. I had just mentioned it a few days before we went to the planet where we found you. I didn't plan on saying anything. It just kind of came out one night in the lab. He comes to get me, when he thinks I'm overworking myself, you know?" Rodney smiled sadly. "Sometimes I would sit and get paperwork done for hours after everyone had gone home, just so he would come and get me." There was a short bark of laughter. "I am such a teenage girl."

"Not any worse than me, mate. Stayed with Xander long after I could have left. His girlfriend broke up with him because I never left them alone for long enough for her to get the required number of orgasms, but he didn't throw me out." Spike threw an arm across his eyes. "Then, right before we came here, he rents us an apartment. Says things like 'We live here, now,' and 'We're home.' All I can do is wonder how many bedrooms there're in the apartment, and hope like mad he couldn't afford more than one, so I'll have an excuse to sneak into his bed after he leaves for work in the morning."

"We've got it bad." Rodney sighed again. "It's almost funny how they can't see anyone but each other."

"Ha. Ha." Spike laughed humorlessly.

"Funny weird, not funny _funny_, stupid."

Spike smiled. "John's an idiot, you know." He rolled onto his side, face to face with Rodney. "I'd give up the military for you, easy."

Rodney blushed. "Y-y-you wouldn't be in the military anyway. You're too attached to your hair."

"You like my hair," Spike smirked.

"I do seem to have a weakness for weird hair." Rodney touched Spike's head. "We'd have to do something about all that gel, before I commit to liking it, though." His hand wandered down to trace the scar in his eyebrow, and stroke over the curve of his cheekbone. "I'm pretty sure there are angels somewhere out there, who are angry because you're prettier than they are, though." Rodney giggled.

"Yeah well, they're mad at you too." Spike rejoined with drunken logic.

"What? Why?!"

" 'Cause you're smarter than they are."

"You're just saying that because I said you were pretty." Rodney felt the world tilt dangerously forward. He put a hand on Spike's shoulder to stop it.

Spike put a cold hand over his warmer one. "I meant it when I said he was a fool."

"Oh." Rodney didn't know what else to say. "I'm not so good at this."

Spike tilted his head. "What?"

Rodney rubbed over the lapel of the duster with his thumb. "This. Being complimentary. I'm not good with words. Or people."

Spike laughed. "Remind me to tell you about the first woman I ever loved, some time." He looked at Rodney's mouth. "This may be the vodka talking, but kissing you has been on my mind a lot these past few minutes."

"Yeah?" Rodney couldn't look Spike in the eye. "Might be the vodka for me too, but… I'm sort of hoping it isn't."

"We could find out?"

"That wouldn't seem… wrong… to you?"

"Vampire, mate. Wrong _is_ the territory. Besides, if they can, why can't we?" Spike was feeling rather reasonable.

"I promise to find your moral flexibility disturbing, but not right now." Rodney leaned forward and kissed Spike clumsily. They were both rather drunk, and it made the kiss a little sloppy, but neither man minded. "Can we… stop here, for now?"

" 'Course. Don't want you t'do anything y'don't want to." Spike yawned. "Knackered. We should sleep."

Rodney snorted. "Wrong is so not your territory. You need a new line." He put his head on Spike's chest. "Is this okay?"

"Better than." Spike smiled into Rodney's hair, kissing the top of his head.

They were quiet for awhile, but Rodney sat up suddenly a few minutes later. "I can do it!"

"Do what?" Spike yawned.

"Give John and Xander their memories back. John's will be bigger because he's older. Heavier, if you will. Why didn't I think of that before?"

"Probably because you were too busy being worried. You calmed down for a minute, and got the answer. You _are_ a genius, remember?"

Rodney lay back down. "Sometimes I worry that the next big problem will be one I can't fix. That I won't be smart enough, and something bad will happen, and it'll be all my fault. I thought this was going to be it, for a while."

"It'll never happen. You're the smartest man in two galaxies, remember?"

"I guess sometimes I need to be reminded." Rodney yawned.

"Well, I'll consider that part of my job description, then."


	6. Chapter 6

John and Xander sat on John's bed, both of them looking anywhere but at each other. "He says he can do it." John said quietly.

"I know. He told me, too." Xander sighed. "Is it weird that I feel like I'm losing something? I mean, I'm supposed to be getting my memory back, but I feel like I'm losing…" Xander let the sentence trail off.

John took his hand. "You're not losing _me_ if that's what you're afraid of. I'm not going anywhere."

"Spike and Rodney seem pretty upset that we're together. What if you and Rodney, or me and Spike…" Letting that trail off seemed best, too.

"They'll have to learn to share." John made a face, going for a laugh, which he got. "You ready to do this?"

"No, but we might as well get it over with." Xander put his head in his hands.

John tilted his chin up and kissed him until he was smiling again. "You bodily tackled a Wraith to save that Spike guy, from what they tell me. I think he'll be okay with working something out."

"I hope you're right." Xander stood and pulled John to his feet. "Let's go."

***

Rodney was pacing the lab when they got there. He spun to face them. "I have better things to do than return memories to idiots who get themselves shot by Wraith, you know. Next time I request your presence, do be prompt."

"Sure," John replied with a grin that made the vein in Rodney's neck throb. He was holding Xander's hand, and he squeezed it.

"One of you go stand over there." Rodney pointed to a blank wall.

Xander swallowed hard. "You go first. That way you can leave if you remember… well, remember someone else. It could be awhile before I'm able to deal with that.

"It's not going to happen, but I'll go first just to prove it." John walked to the wall and lifted and eyebrow. "How do you want me?"

Rodney broke out in a sweat he desperately hoped no one could see. "Just face me and be still." He blushed hard when he realized what he'd just said. _Oh god, oh god, he is so going to punch me when he remembers._

Rodney looked over Zelenka's shoulder at some readings and nodded. Zelenka tapped a button, and there was a wave of light. John shook his head, like he was trying to clear it, and looked up to find everyone staring at him expectantly.

"You're Rodney McKay, resident genius. You're Radek Zelenka, who makes sure mister genius doesn't blow us up." He ignored Rodney's angry exclamation. "I'm John Francis Sheppard, Lieutenant Colonel, and military commander of the Atlantis expedition." He walked over to Xander. "I like Ferris Wheels, college football, anything that goes over 200 miles per hour, and kissing you." He quirked an eyebrow at Xander. "Go on. I'll wait here."

Xander swallowed and nodded, going to stand where John had stood. He was half-afraid that Rodney was going to kill him rather than give his memory back, if there were any clues in the thundercloud look on his face, but John smiled reassuringly and gave him a thumbs-up. Same nod from Rodney to Zelenka, and the wave of white light. "Wow. That's totally weird." He went back to where John was standing. "I like Twinkies, country music, killing demons, science fiction, and," He paused kissing John. "Kissing you."

They grinned goofily at each other for a minute. Rodney threw a powerbar at them, with the acid comment, "The labs are not the place for a make-out session. Colonel, you have duties to attend to know that you're less of a blithering idiot. Go see Elizabeth."

John shrugged apologetically at Xander. "I kind of have to. Meet you at 1900 or so for dinner in the mess?"

Xander quietly said, "I think you might want to ask Rodney to dinner. He seems kind of upset."

John sighed. "He's _always_ upset. He's Rodney."

Xander smiled. "He's upset because he thinks you're ignoring him, this time. Trust me. I usually see more than is good for me."

John looked over at Rodney, who was tearing apart a proof written by one of the junior scientists, literally shredding the paper with his bare hands. He didn't even seem to know John was in the room. He looked back at Xander. "You're sure?"

Xander squeezed John's hand and started to walk away. "Come get me for breakfast in the morning so you can tell me I'm right." He smiled again. "Besides, I think I have a vampire to placate, myself."

John stuck his hands in his pockets and watched Xander leave, before turning to Rodney. He seemed to be done ranting, so John went over to the table his laptop was on.

"Busy, here. Don't you have a boyfriend to go play with?"

"He's off trying to make amends with your new pal." John replied evenly. "I have to see Elizabeth, you're right about that, but I'll be free for dinner in a few hours. I'd like to have dinner with you, if you'd like."

"Fine, fine. Just go away and let me work."

"1900, in the mess, Rodney. Don't make me come get you."

Rodney just ignored him, typing away on his laptop. John went to Elizabeth's office. Lorne had done a really good job in his absence, and there was little for him to do, other than catch up on mission reports. He went to his office, set the alarm on his watch for 1900, and started to read.

***

 

The alarm beeped, and he had still only made it halfway through. He'd be up late tonight. All the same, he radioed Rodney. "We still on for dinner?"

"Your boyfriend has other plans, I take it?" Rodney replied acidly.

"Rodney, we can talk about it if you want, but not over the radio."

"Fine. Bring something to my quarters. I really don't think you want to have this out in the mess, either."

John sighed. "Okay, Rodney. I'll be there in ten."

In the mess, there were almost hamburgers, something like corn, and blue jello. John stole Ronon and Teyla's jello as he passed by them, piling them onto the tray. Ronon snorted at him, but Teyla just smiled, and said, "Good luck with your talk with Rodney, John."

John rolled his eyes as he left the mess. So much for secrets. He didn't have a hand to knock, so he thought opening thoughts at Rodney's door. Rodney was sitting on the bed with his head in his hands. John put the tray on Rodney's desk, and sat next to him. "Hey, buddy."

"Don't call me that. My name is Rodney."

"Actually, your name is Meredith." John stopped at a level of death glare that had heretofore been reserved for Kavanaugh. "Sorry. Just trying to lighten the mood."

"You don't have to be here you know. I know I never really gave you a chance to respond to what I told you. I was afraid. Now you're with somebody else. It's my fault."

"What I have with Xander… It doesn't mean we can't have something too." John put a gentle hand on the back of Rodney's neck.

Rodney shrugged him off. "I'm not going to be your dirty little secret."

"I wasn't suggesting that. Xander isn't leaving Spike. We're going to try to learn to share." John smirked. "Like with the graham crackers in kindergarten."

"I got detention in kindergarten."

"Detention? What for?"

"Stealing graham crackers from the girl next to me. Julie Metz. She copied my counting flowers."

"Hey, we had counting flowers, too. No one copied mine though. I kept getting into trouble for drawing planes on them."

"Hmmm. How not surprised can I be?" Rodney looked thoughtful for a minute. "Apparently very." He rolled his eyes at John.

"So are we going to have dinner, or are you going to toss me out on my ass?" John asked.

"Are there _four_ bowls of Jello on that tray?"

"Yes, but I'm taking them with me if you kick me out." John smirked.

Rodney sighed. "What do you want me to say, Sheppard? That I'm okay with being second best? I'm not."

"You were never second best, Rodney. The situation with Xander wasn't one I was looking for. It just happened." John looked at his hands. "I can't say what would have happened between us had Arrakis not happened. I don't have the power to change it. But it wouldn't be fair to either you or Xander for me to just forget he exists. He's done nothing to deserve being hurt, and I might end up resenting you if he hated me for it." He looked back up at Rodney. "I don't want either of those things."

"The planet's name was not Arrakis, and we were fighting Wraith, not Baron Harkonnen and the Bene Gesserits."

"Do you remember what the actual name of the planet was?"

"P something X yadda yadda."

"Right, but you understood me when I said Arrakis, right?"

"I suppose so."

"Then it's Arrakis, isn't it?"

"If I admit that you're right, will you go away?"

"If I leave, the jello goes with me." John tried to look stern, but couldn't help smiling. Rodney never admitted to being wrong. John must be wearing him down.

Rodney made a grab for one of the bowls of jello, but John intercepted it easily. "You can't avoid the subject forever, McKay," he wiggled some jello around on the spoon before eating it. He was entirely unprepared when Rodney leaned forward and kissed him, chasing the flavor of jello around his mouth. "Wow," he said, when Rodney pulled back.

"You should be prepared for me to do desperate things when you withhold the jello, Colonel." Rodney grinned smugly.

"John. If you're kissing me, you have to call me John." He spooned some more jello, and waved it in front of Rodney.

Rodney watched hungrily as John brought the spoon closer to his mouth. "John," Rodney said obediently, his voice rough and low in a way that made John ache. Like Rodney had been waiting to say his name for a long time.

John hummed happily in response, rewarding Rodney with a spoonful of Jello. Rodney usually closed his eyes in bliss at his first bite of Jello, but he kept his eyes on John this time. John didn't disappoint, leaning forward to kiss the taste of Jello from his lips.

Rodney made a desperate noise when John started to pull away, fisting his hands in John's shirt. "John," he said again.

"I'm here, Rodney. I've got you." John laced his fingers behind Rodney's head and massaged the sides of the other man's neck with his thumbs. Rodney put his head on John's shoulder and sighed, relaxing into his touch.

"You do, you know." Rodney could feel John's confusion. "Have me. I was lying when I said I wouldn't be second best."

John tilted his head up. "For a genius you can be such a dumbass." He kissed Rodney, a deep, possessive kiss, making him John's in ways that Rodney hadn't thought possible. "Feel like second best?" John panted.

Rodney just shook his head, wide-eyed.

"Good. Wanna eat?"

Rodney got that glint in his eye. The one John privately labeled the 'genius thought look.' He nodded, grinning, and stripped off John's shirt, before pushing him onto his back on the bed. Straddling John's hips, he began artfully arranging cubes of jello on John's chest.

"Fuck!" John swore, loudly, when the cool gelatin hit his overheated skin, trailing off to a moan when Rodney's mouth sucked away the jello and the chill, leaving fire in its wake.

Rodney was oddly quiet, focused on what he was doing to John. John tried to worm his hands under Rodney's shirt but Rodney grabbed his wrists and pinned them to his sides. Rodney's hands were hot, and more calloused than John had expected, rough against the sensitive skin. John moaned, a sound that was too incoherent to be Rodney's name. He pulled a little against Rodney's hands, gasping when Rodney tightened his grip, not letting go. John lost track of time in the feeling of being the sole focus of Rodney's attention.

Rodney was very good at what he did. John's hips rose off the bed, and Rodney finished the jello is his navel to mouth over the bulge in John's BDUs. "Off. Now." Rodney tugged on John's belt loops. John's hands fumbled with the button, and Rodney smacked them away impatiently, deftly undoing fastenings and pulling John's boxers and pants down around his hips. John started to get up to untie his boots, but Rodney just pushed him back down.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Rodney's mouth on his cock was the best thing he'd ever felt. He tried to be still, but Rodney clamped down on his hips anyway, controlling his movements.

Suddenly, Rodney's mouth wasn't on him any more. "I want to fuck you." Rodney said to his hip.

"I- I've never…" John stuttered, and Rodney looked up.

"You didn't… with Xander?"

"No. We uh, haven't gotten that far."

"We don't have to," Rodney was trying not to look disappointed.

"I want to," John replied quietly, "I just… You're going to have to tell me what to do."

"Are you sure?" Rodney sounded worried, so John smiled when he nodded. Rodney's return smile was slightly on the evil side. "Up and strip."

John sat up and got his boots and socks off. He stood and let his pants fall to the ground, kicking them to the side. Rodney waited until John was done to stand and remove his own clothing. Rodney dropped his pants and stepped close to John. Very close. For a minute, they both just breathed.

Rodney put his mouth close to John's ear. "John," he whispered, ghosting his hands over John's chest and down to his hips. "Hands and knees on the bed. Head down."

Following orders was something John could do, even with all synapses firing on, 'Rodney's going to fuck me.' He knelt and put his head down. Rodney's hands skated over his back, making him shiver. "I want to see you," he croaked, his mouth suddenly dry.

"Okay." Rodney's hands were shaking. "Might burn a bit more that way."

"Don't care." John lay on his back and pulled Rodney down by his biceps. They both gasped when skin met skin. "Jesus, Rodney."

"Not quite," Rodney snorted, placing wet, open-mouthed kisses on John's throat, and up his jaw, finally claiming his mouth.

John moaned when two of Rodney's fingers found _that place_ behind his balls, and pressed, before sliding back to gently tease him open. First one slick finger, slowly in, and John hissed against the small burn. The burn intensified with the second finger, but then Rodney twisted and crooked them. There was a change, the burning spinning out from pain to pleasure. John felt as if his whole body was on fire with it, and he pushed back on Rodney's fingers. "Rodney," he could barely breathe, but he could say Rodney's name, just that once. A third finger, Rodney was working him loose, easy strokes in and out, and John hazily wondered if he would ever be able to think with the larger of his two brains again. He must have said it out loud, because Rodney laughed, sliding his fingers out slowly. John tried to complain, but all that came out was another moan.

"Ready?" Rodney wanted to know, positioning himself.

"_God,_ yes!" John was feeling a little impatient. He gasped when Rodney brushed his cock across the entrance to his body, arching up into it. Rodney slid in a little, and John made a small pained noise, so Rodney stopped, shaking. "Don't _stop._" He breathed through the burn as best he could.

Rodney moaned, sliding in as slowly as he could. He matched his breaths to John's slow and even ones. "John." Rodney sounded winded. He slipped all the way inside. John was hot, and tight. So very tight. Rodney was not going to last. He wrapped his slick hand around John's cock, pumping it slowly. John arched up into it, and Rodney began to fuck him, slowly and carefully.

"I'm not going to break, Rodney." John tried to reassure him.

"I might," Rodney panted in reply, but picked up the pace a little.

John's orgasm lit the base of his spine, and suddenly his whole body was the grand finale on the Fourth of July. _Almost like flying,_ he thought, as the world whited out.

***

Xander watched Spike sparring with Ronon. _Mmmm… Pretty._ It'd been a long time since Spike had sparred with someone even close to his equal, and he was really getting into it. Ronon was sweating, but holding his own, which was damned impressive. Ronon saw him, and ended the fight, nodding to Spike in Xander's direction, and left.

Spike turned, but didn't drop the special plexi fighting sticks Rodney had found for him and Ronon, after he had explained the lethalness of wood. He nodded coolly, but didn't say anything.

"Hey. You wanna beat the crap out of me, or can we just skip to the kissing and making up?" Xander was only partially joking. He'd lived with Spike for well over a year, and he'd brought the vampire with him when he'd moved for a reason, even if it was a reason Spike only joked about.

"Don't."

"Don't what? I know my jokes are bad, but you've put up with them for this long, why stop now?" Xander knew that continuing to joke was probably a bad idea, but he couldn't stop himself. The sticks hit the wall and ricocheted off, and Xander had to dodge, as one bounced past.

"Don't pretend. You wanted someone human, you got him. Don't taunt me. I know you don't want me. I thought…" Spike threw up his hands in exasperation. "Never mind what I thought. You're with that Sheppard guy. End of story."

"And who made you king of ending our story? Last I checked there were two of us, and for the record, I didn't remember you when I got involved with John." Xander counted to ten, determined not to let his temper wreck this conversation. "I didn't kick you out when Anya left, and I moved you into the apartment. Which was supposed to be a surprise and all, but I'm pretty sure we're never going to see it again."

"Whatever. You're still with someone who isn't me."

"You're a hundred years old, and you can't imagine any possibility where John and I could be together, and I could still want you?" Xander wished he had a camera to catch the look of absolute shock on Spike's face.

It faded quickly into misery. " 'M a hundred twenty-four. Old enough to not want to replay what happened between me and Dru."

Xander closed the distance between them. "I'm not Drusilla. I'm Xander. Well known for my loyalty and extreme lack of sense. Perhaps you've heard of me?"

Spike's mouth twitched, like he was stopping himself from smiling. He shoved his hands into his pockets. "Not leaving John?"

"No. I may have met him after you, but I care about him, and I'm pretty sure he cares about me - "

"He'd be a damned fool not to." Spike growled.

"He's been good to me," Xander stepped forward again, until they were touching from chest to thighs. "But he's not you."

"Do you love him?" Spike didn't look at Xander, but he didn't move away.

"Not yet." Xander took Spike's chin in his hand and turned it until the vampire faced him. "I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you, though." Spike just blinked at him, frozen. Xander pulled him forward until their lips met.

***


End file.
